A Snake, A Slug, A Frog
by maskedgoomba
Summary: It's time for a history lesson folks! Orochimaru best friends with Tsunade? Tsunade's first kiss was Jiraiya? Orochimaru peeking inside women showers? My take of the third generation.


**SSF: A Snake, A Slug, A Frog******

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. How I wish I did though... oh yeah, spoilers, I guess?

**Summary: **It's time to take a history lesson folks. Learn how Orochimaru becomes so screwed up. See Tsunade kick the crap out of the Third. Watch as Jirayia grows to become a super pervert. And see how the third generation grew up; you might be surprised...

**Notes: **I have nothing outlined for this story, but I had this idea niggling in the back of my mind and I had to get it out somehow. I freely admit I wrote the end of this chapter first and just added to it.

This is the story about something that happened when the great Sandaime was nothing but a child and the Nidaime was still in power. It is important because it records the great changes that catapulted the Leaf into the position of power and envy they are in today.

During these days the turbulent Shinobi Wars still raged. No one ever knew when an attack would come, or which village was behind it, but like clockwork, every new day came with it another new attack. Sometimes the attack would be small skirmishes along the country border lines, but every once in awhile, the fighting would be so fierce the leaf ninjas were forced to fight inside homes and hospitals; vicious building-to-building brawls that claimed the lives of as many innocents as it did ninja.

During these days, it was common for families to be broken apart; the elderly, too old to fight at the front, could only watch as their own children's and even grandchildren's blood was split upon foreign soil. Childhood was quickly lost. And during these days there was born three children who would grow up to shape the Leaf in ways unimaginable.

One of these children was Tsunade. She was born and welcomed into the village with much celebration.

_"Did you hear the great news? The First has a granddaughter!_

_"Maybe she'll become the Fourth!"_

_"Who knows, if she's as skilled as her grandfather, she could even become the Third!"_

"_A prodigy!"___

_"The youngest Hokage in history!"___

_"She might put an end to the war!" _

And that is how so many of villagers of fire country burdened their hope on this newly born infant.

The second of the Trio was Jirayia who was born with little fanfare except for his mother's screaming during her sixteen hours of labor.

"**FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, SOMEONE GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!" **She left an indelible memory on orderly working that night, who vowed to never have children.

The final child was Orochimaru. He had the most interesting birth of them all. It was not renowned like Tsunade's or a typical hospital birth like Jiraiya's. Instead, he was delivered by the midwife of a very old-fashioned and powerful leaf clan.

Now, the mother loved Orochimaru with all her heart and was ready to bear all good and bad that came with acknowledging him as her child.

But the midwife loved the wife as well and would not let her mistress ruin her life by acknowledging a bastard child.

So the midwife did what a loyal servant could only do. She did what was best for the mistress and kidnapped the new born. She had planned to carry Orochimaru's bassinet to the nearby river, weigh it down with stones, and drown him.

But the midwife never carried out her plot. Before she could reach the river, she sensed a ninja platoon closing on her position. She lost her resolve to kill the baby herself. So instead, she stuffed leaves into the mouth of Orochimaru and threw him into a thicket of bushes. Nature would surely do the task for her.

And it almost did.

During the night, a large, long python came upon the newborn. The snake slithered and coiled around Orochimaru, surrounding him, toying with him, as if claiming him for all the forest to see.

If the snake had eaten Orochimaru, the story would have ended here, and Leaf would be vastly different than what it was today.

But no, Orochimaru lived because before the snake could devour him, a certain blonde ANBU member came upon the snake and killed it.

She tenderly lifted Orochimaru out of his bassinet and cradled him in her arms.

"What are you doing here little guy?" she commed softly. "How could someone be so heartless to abandon someone as you cute as you..."

"Hey, Riku, where'd you disappear to all of a sudden--" Daisuke, her husband, stepped out a bushes and was surprised to see her cradling a child in her arms. "Hey, a baby. Where'd you find it?"

"In the bushes. A snake was about to eat hi-- shhh, don't cry little guy. There there... the snake can't get to you now. It's okay…"

"I'll alert Captain Hatake. He has to fill out the report to administration."

"Don't do it, Daisuke." Riku said quickly. "You do, and you'll kill this boy."

"What? You're joking right?"

"See the leaves in the mouth. Someone was obviously trying to kill this kid. If we let Captain Hatake fill out a report; he has to list when and where he found the baby. And if the person who tried to kill the kid ever reads the report and finds out he is alive-- well, the people will finish the job they started.

"Look, you can't just assume that." Daisuke said reasonably. "What if they, or whoever abandoned the kid just didn't want him? You know some families have been resorting to that lately. They can't afford to feed another kid, so after the girl gives birth they just leave it to die somewhere."

"But why would someone be so stupid to do that now, huh? Tell me, Daisuke, why? The Nidame said any unwanted births could be left at the hospital. No questions. If someone actually cared about this baby, would have left him in front of the hospital and not just tossed him out like a piece of trash."

"Why do you make things so complicated, huh? Okay, humor me, what do you suggest we do then??"

"I'm saying that we... we, um, keep him."

"Keep him? No, absolutely not. Oh don't give me that face, Riku, I'd love to have another child, but we just can't. You know we already have to Kanzaki and Miyabi to look after, and that's a job in itself keeping those two inline. And did you forget our granddaughter? She's going to become two soon and you know how they get at that age. Not to mention the bills. How are we supposed to support another child when we're barely making ends meet as it is--"

"What do we do then, Daisuke? Leave the boy here? How could you be so… so… so… heartless!"

"No! That's not what I mean and you know it! I say we just turn the boy over at the hospital. They'll figure out someway to deal with him."

"But that's about as good as leaving him here! You know it's not hard to penetrate the hospital records. What if the person finds out? What then? This kid is going to be killed."

"That's a lot of what ifs for something that probably won't happen..."

"Daisuke! Do you honestly want this child's death on your hands?"

They stared at each other for one long moment, both trying to test the others resolve. Daisuke looked straight into his wife's eyes and the stubbornness in his heart slowly bled away. Her eyes shined bright with devotion. That's when he knew she had already recognized this orphaned child as her own flesh and blood.

He remembered the last time he saw that _look._

About two years ago, a joint Sand-Stone army laid siege to their village in a battle that would become notoriously known as the _May Massacre_. He had seen his wife's eyes then.

During the first two weeks of the battle, the Leaf's were relentless in their defense. For every building that the Leaf lost was paid for dearly by enemy lives. But it seemed with every enemy death, came two more that were eager and willing to fight. The tired Leaf ninjas tried to keep fighting, but they were simply overwhelmed by the sheer freshness of the enemy. Everyday, the demoralized Leaf Shinobi retreated deeper and deeper into the village.

The third week heralded the arrival of Mist Village Reinforcement. The battle turned and the combined forces of Leaf and Mist pushed back the enemy.

Into the final fourth week, the enemy was tettering on the edge of defeat. The Sand-Stone army was down to half-strength and Mist reinforcements continued to trickle in everyday.

Although battered, the enemy was not broken. Somehow discovering the locations of Leaf's hidden refugee shelters; the enemy planned one last desperate gamble. One fourth of their army would bypass the Leaf-Mist vanguard and attack Leaf's civilian shelters while the remainder of the army would attack the front.

First places to be hit were the Emergency Field Hospital inside the Hokage Memorial, the School Academy evacuation shelter underneath the Ichiraku Ramen Hut, and the Elderly Care Facility located in the outskirts of the village...

The once organized Leaf-Mist army fell into chaos. Leaf Ninja after Leaf Ninja abandoned the frontline, running back to the shelters, hoping they weren't too late to save their precious loved ones.

Amongst those who abandoned the lines were Daisuke and Riku. Captain Hatake told them a Sand-Stone strike team was moving to attack the #4 shelter.

The shelter their children were in.

Daisuke and Riku desperately hurried to the shelter, carelessly setting off explosive tag, kunai, and jutsu traps as they went. They didn't slow or stop. They bared the burns of the explosives and the shallow cuts of the kunais in hopes they would reach the shelter another second sooner.

And as they drew closer to the #4 shelter—they could see smoke billowing over the building. They were too late. The enemy had already begun their attack.

The battle inside the burning building was a confusing mélange of images. Glinting edges of shurikens that narrowly missed his head-- the tangle of intertwined limbs during close quarter fighting-- loud ringing in his ears when the enemy had used a concussion grenade…

But although Daisuke had trouble remembering the battle itself, he could still remember his wife's eyes: cold, ice-blue eyes that reflected her intense, raging emotion underneath.

The eyes she saved only for those looking to harm her children.

The eyes she had now trained on him.

Daisuke shrugged. "What the hell... let's take him." He internally sighed with relief when Riku's eyes softened. "It'll be nice to have another guy in the house. Too many of you women. Feels like I can't be be myself. Here that little guy?" He gave the kid a scritch under his chin. "You're one of us now... but hey, Riku? What should we name him? "

"Let me think for a second… hmm, how about… Orochimaru?"

"How'd you think of a name like that?"

"You don't want to know and it'd take too long to explain. So... what do you think?"

"Orochimaru, huh? It's a little, well… strange. But I like strange." He gently stroked the baby's chin. "Hear that? From now on you'll be known as Uzumaki Orochimaru. Welcome to the family."

**_To be continued…_**

**__**

_So how do you like it so far? Questions, comments, etc etc, feel free to ask, I'd be happy to try and answer them. As it's going I'm trying to make the dynamic of Konoha's third generation as screwed up as possible. Things that I might want to explore-- a relationship between Hyuuga and Uchiha a la Romeo and Juliet featuring Hizashi or Hyashi-- how Kakashi was the second Hatake to receive the sharingan eye and not the first-- an evil Uzumaki-- A Haruno head of Anbu-- the Third Hokage cheating on his wife-- etc etc-- these are just some of the ideas swimming around in my head_

_Thanks to Blood Shinobi (thousand apologies for forgetting) for beta-reading my fic. He helped point out mucho mucho grammar mistakes I had in this story. Keep a watch out for this author's stories!_


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